Admiration~Threads of a Dream

Just some old poem I wrote when I was 13 I thought I’d put up. It’s bound to get lost sometime in the future when I throw out this old computer. Maybe I’ll look back to this poem one day and laugh, and I’ll be happy too since I learned something from it.

Dedicated to whom if I, myself am reading this, I should know. If I don’t, then the wings of time have over flown the wings of memory. But to this person who once reigned my imagination: I hope you have found your happiness.

The tap of your foot,

The nod of your head,

The twist of your hand as your eyes gaze ahead,

The wisps of your hair,

Like translucent curtains to your eyes,

Swishing and swirling as your smile caresses air,

The flicker of your gaze,

Which my eyes dutifully followed,

The resonating tones of your voice evaporates in a haze,

The sweep of your hand,

As you bow, then stand,

Intoxicating… Mesmerizing… Captivating…

Your presence encapsulating… Enchanting… Enlightening…

Tell me… Why do the roses look so pale?

Have the threads already strangled them so?

Pull me closer… Allow me to bind our hands together,

So our hearts are free to ebb and flow,

Like the fluttering plumage of a hummingbird’s wing,

Intertwined together, intertwined together,

Higher, higher they’ll soar and sing,

Until I shall soon scorn the wealth of kings.

But alas… My hands are too clumsy and rough,

With the distance of a breath of a feather’s tip,

The threads snapped and crumbled to bits of dust.

Please mend them… Only you can… Smile, even just a bit.

Maybe you didn’t notice how I stood up when you played,

Maybe you didn’t realize the whisper in  your direction I gave,

My mouth was moving but no words came,

So the threads remain untouched… Slightly ruffled, they sway.

I dream, I dream of seeing you again,

Until my dreams lead me to my wit’s end,

Do you even know my name? I would ponder before sleep,

Do you know your name reigns my endless dreams…?

Eyes are blind, but true are hearts,

But from the mind imagining starts,

Forming an illusion, a distorted reality; it seems,

In the end, a dream is merely just a dream,

Drawn from invisible threads in the air,

I wish I could imagine, but I can only dream,

With just a scratch of hope, or wild chance that we’ll meet

Just once more, like a lone red flower in a field of green.

A singular red, yes, but with that I still dream,

I dream until my reality becomes a dream,

Wandering aimlessly, but you, I still don’t see…

In your eyes I see a reflection of myself; I foolishly dream,

How can I know when I have yet to look within them?

But give me not a flower, if not a seed,

So it will be precious to me, and I’ll nurture it with my dreams.

For if you want a flower, then peel my heart,

Thin as tissue papers, layer by layer,

Arrange them into a budding bloom, a work of art,

But by a glass pane, our threads are cut apart.

Give me not a picture if not a blank paper,

Pictures lie, but with paper I can imagine rather than dream,

Ah! But even these thoughts are only fragments of my dreams!

My precious, precious dreams, my secret reveries.

My heart felt heavy as you left the room,

Words unspoken bind my lips together,

I can only express them to you in my dreams,

Your hazy presence like a hand to a cheek.

Please… Soar! Over fly the wings of time!

Catch me with your outstretched wings,

Or else let destiny or fate intervene,

Until then, I’ll be hanging by a thread of a dream…

…I don’t want to forget you

…Ever…

~FIN~

It Gets Colder at the Top…

Today, I have hesitantly raised my foot towards the winding spiral path I must take. When I say “hesitantly”, I’m alluding to the uncertainty of whether or not I’ll be able to reach the end; I am definitely not suggesting any weakness within the state of mind I have now set for myself. Today is a mark. Whether or not it is a substantial one is yet to be determined. Therefore, today is day zero. I have not yet taken a step, but all will come in time. Of course, that time is pushed forward by strong will and strength of mind.

Too dramatic? Let’s just say that my mind has now been set to peace. Now, I can see the person I want to be clearly in front of me despite the doubt gnawing away at the back of my head.

The path isn’t straight. It is wild, narrow and rocky. It’s not untrammeled per say but it is the path less travelled by. It will take tremendous amounts of effort to reach the top, or even go up halfway. However, 90% chance that I will reach the top is based on my potential. That prospect disturbs me greatly.

One thing I do not have a clear view of is my ability, or you can call it my potential to succeed in society. I think I see the top, though I don’t know if that crooked tip is a figment of my imagination or the actual substance.

A life rule: There are fewer people at the top. Law of nature: It gets colder at the top. I have yet to take a step and I already feel the chill. Sometimes, I wonder if I am mentally prepared for the isolation. Maybe I am just an ignorant victim that conformity has yet to strike upon. Either way, I’m cold. I want to think it gets better, but I know it doesn’t. It’ll just get colder and colder.

Enjoy the journey…

In response to: In Praise of Sadness

Actually, this is the first time I’ve picked up a copy of Reader’s Digest. I probably should have enjoyed it more than I did. However, that’s not to say I didn’t like it. It just happens that my favourite article is also the article which I think is most misleading. Yes, life is full of little ironies, no?

Anyways, for my own sake, I won’t go into a detailed summary of the article. Just know that the author argues that people should embrace sadness and experience it to the fullest. The first time skimming through the book, I found myself nodding in agreement with the writer. Then, I read it again and found that some points put forward quite unsettling. Yes, we grow by experiencing despair but I don’t think that character grows by experiencing sadness to the fullest. I think we as people grow by learning to cope with change; we grow by learning to deal with the mental stress in a healthy way.

A good quote I found is: “Thinking positively is better than thinking negatively but thinking realistically has even more commend to it. And thinking realistically acknowledges that the richness in life lies in the interplay of light and shade.” However, I think the writer fails to acknowledge that thinking positively isn’t synonymous to imposing a false cheery state. Thinking positively is thinking realistically because being positive means that I will live life to its full potential despite the downsides.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that life is full of contradictions and whatnot. It is constructed entirely out of opposites. We feel because we can, because there are contrasts; therefore, we have points of comparison. Bottom line: sadness exists because happiness exists. We feel happy because we know that we feel better than when we are sad. We shouldn’t concentrate on being happy but we shouldn’t focus on the contrary either. In fact, I don’t think there is need to focus on happiness or sadness. These feelings will come naturally evoked by the little bumps in life that come along. What we should focus on is smoothing out these little bumps. By that, I’m referring to a state of control, not happiness.

Yes, we often regard control as happiness and there is nothing wrong with that because if we don’t have control on our lives, we don’t have control in anything. Happiness isn’t all bland and bleak. Happiness is a beautiful word and it refers to richness and wholeness. So be happy! Smile and make the best out of the materials you are given! Of course, being happy naturally means that you’ve had more than your fair share of downsides in life.